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Shhh, listen!
I just received an email from a friend who sends out encouraging messages each day. The most important point I got from the note today was how important it is to listen.
I know I always encourage you to "breathe", to slow down, to be quiet in the midst of a storm or take a few moments out of a busy day to meditate and connect with your creator. However, this morning, I was particularly reminded of how important the action of "listening" is, particularly as it is connected to meditating or being still. They are inextricably linked. What do you want to say to me, God? Which way should I go? What message do you have today? What do I need to be reminded of in this minute?
I see a deer grazing in the meadow outside of my house. Suddenly, she looks up, her ears stand at attention. She is listening. She is discerning. Her attentiveness could save her life, or the life of her babies. If she listens and senses no danger, she continues to graze; but if she feels threatened, she will run, and encourage her little ones to do the same.
It only takes a minute to listen. But there are times it could make all the difference as you are making an important decision. It could mean saving yourself from an impulsive move, or an emotional gut reaction. It, too, in many ways could save your life.
Often, when I am exploring or walking in the woods with my grandchildren, they will stop suddenly and say, "Shhh...listen!" They are listening to hear the animals around them. They are learning a life skill that many of us, as adults, seem to have lost or never learned.
Maybe it's time we remind ourselves as to how important listening is.
For more information on the wonderful, peaceful place, from where I get my morning email encouragement, Briarley Hill Retreat, go to www.marianneclyde.com .
I know I always encourage you to "breathe", to slow down, to be quiet in the midst of a storm or take a few moments out of a busy day to meditate and connect with your creator. However, this morning, I was particularly reminded of how important the action of "listening" is, particularly as it is connected to meditating or being still. They are inextricably linked. What do you want to say to me, God? Which way should I go? What message do you have today? What do I need to be reminded of in this minute?
I see a deer grazing in the meadow outside of my house. Suddenly, she looks up, her ears stand at attention. She is listening. She is discerning. Her attentiveness could save her life, or the life of her babies. If she listens and senses no danger, she continues to graze; but if she feels threatened, she will run, and encourage her little ones to do the same.
It only takes a minute to listen. But there are times it could make all the difference as you are making an important decision. It could mean saving yourself from an impulsive move, or an emotional gut reaction. It, too, in many ways could save your life.
Often, when I am exploring or walking in the woods with my grandchildren, they will stop suddenly and say, "Shhh...listen!" They are listening to hear the animals around them. They are learning a life skill that many of us, as adults, seem to have lost or never learned.
Maybe it's time we remind ourselves as to how important listening is.
For more information on the wonderful, peaceful place, from where I get my morning email encouragement, Briarley Hill Retreat, go to www.marianneclyde.com .
Enough already with the drama!
Drama. You know it when you see it. But do you see it when you create it?
You can always tell when someone is a drama queen (or king). There always seems to be something wrong. Someone is plotting against them. There is some kind of conspiracy to make their lives miserable. There is anger, hurt, worry, panic, irritation, need for attention, manipulation. There are words used about others such as "always", "never", "worst". You listen to the gossip. You feel drawn into the drama and feel like now you need to make a choice or take a side. Yes, you know it when you see it. You hear the sucking sound of it and feel it pulling you in. But how do you stop it?
Pretty much, you cannot control another human being's personal drama. But you can control your own. The first thing you need to do is recognize what is happening. The truth is, we control much of our own reality. If you think everyone is out to get you, you will give out those vibes, you will create behaviors around that belief and ultimately it will appear as your circumstances.
It always is beneficial to step back and see things from outside of your little box. You know how easy it is to tell when someone else is creating his or her own disaster; so, step back and look at your circumstances as an objective third party. There are things you already know:
1. There is more than one way to look at things. (Your perception is not always completely correct. It is colored by your emotions and your history.)
2. Most of the time, everyone else is way too busy with their own lives to be focused on making your life miserable.
3. Other people's behavior is a result of their own perceptions and history and personal circumstances; it very rarely, really, has anything to do with you.
4. Anger and fear make you react in ways that usually only makes things worse.
5. For the most part, people are doing the best they can with what they have or what they know.
6. The more you talk about something that irritates you, the more it seems to irritate you.
So when you feel a drama starting, ask yourself:
1. Am I seeing things accurately?
2. Could there be another way to look at this?
3. Can I give myself a little space here? or Can I give someone else a little space to be who they are without thinking everything reflects on me?
4. Can I take a deep breath and slow down a bit?
5. What is something productive I can do to change the circumstances, rather that just talk about how bad things are?
If you want drama, go to the movies. If you want a productive life, take responsibility for it.
www.marianneclyde.com
You can always tell when someone is a drama queen (or king). There always seems to be something wrong. Someone is plotting against them. There is some kind of conspiracy to make their lives miserable. There is anger, hurt, worry, panic, irritation, need for attention, manipulation. There are words used about others such as "always", "never", "worst". You listen to the gossip. You feel drawn into the drama and feel like now you need to make a choice or take a side. Yes, you know it when you see it. You hear the sucking sound of it and feel it pulling you in. But how do you stop it?
Pretty much, you cannot control another human being's personal drama. But you can control your own. The first thing you need to do is recognize what is happening. The truth is, we control much of our own reality. If you think everyone is out to get you, you will give out those vibes, you will create behaviors around that belief and ultimately it will appear as your circumstances.
It always is beneficial to step back and see things from outside of your little box. You know how easy it is to tell when someone else is creating his or her own disaster; so, step back and look at your circumstances as an objective third party. There are things you already know:
1. There is more than one way to look at things. (Your perception is not always completely correct. It is colored by your emotions and your history.)
2. Most of the time, everyone else is way too busy with their own lives to be focused on making your life miserable.
3. Other people's behavior is a result of their own perceptions and history and personal circumstances; it very rarely, really, has anything to do with you.
4. Anger and fear make you react in ways that usually only makes things worse.
5. For the most part, people are doing the best they can with what they have or what they know.
6. The more you talk about something that irritates you, the more it seems to irritate you.
So when you feel a drama starting, ask yourself:
1. Am I seeing things accurately?
2. Could there be another way to look at this?
3. Can I give myself a little space here? or Can I give someone else a little space to be who they are without thinking everything reflects on me?
4. Can I take a deep breath and slow down a bit?
5. What is something productive I can do to change the circumstances, rather that just talk about how bad things are?
If you want drama, go to the movies. If you want a productive life, take responsibility for it.
www.marianneclyde.com
Hurting for others
That sinking feeling in your chest, the sucker punch sensation in your gut, tears stinging at the corner of your eyes, the overwhelming urge to fix....all common reactions to seeing injustice or pain in someone you care about. What do you do?
Recently, I was asked, as I often am, on a TV interview regarding my recent trip to Haiti, "How do you deal with the feelings of what you see and hear?" This question is just as appropriate whether you are witnessing results of a natural disaster first hand or if you see someone you love encounter a difficult or hurtful situation closer to home. The inner reactions are often the same and the need to fix it or make the pain go away feels so urgent. But you can't. Many times the disaster is too big, or the event is over and cannot be reversed, or perhaps the pain is a natural consequence of someone's previous actions, which cannot be changed.
In the quiet moments this morning as I was reflecting, I felt overwhelmed with some of these feelings. These feelings are normal, but are not productive. A surge of anger, a wave of sadness, feelings of helplessness must be acknowledged and then overcome. If we allow ourselves to stay there, we just end up sitting in a swampy pit of despair which doesn't help anyone and just gets stinky. On the other hand, if we rush headlong to fix something that is beyond our scope or outside of our realm of responsibility, we can do more damage than good; or at the very least we can waste our time or get in the way or cause resentments.
What came to my mind as I was meditating this morning was how very clear it is that so many of my prayers over the years have been answered in such remarkable ways. I may not have seen the answer right away when I might have cried out in desperation, and yet, I am convinced that every prayer is heard the moment it is uttered. A verse that I find comfort in often is "If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us; and if he hears us, then we know we HAVE ALREADY received what we have asked." [I John 5:14-15] I know he desires good and peace and joy and wisdom and growth and unity and provision and love for each of us. So, even as I feel heartache, and utter a prayer, I know that prayer is heard and being answered. Sometime it takes a while to manifest
The second part of this puzzle is to do what we CAN. Can I offer encouragement? Can I give something to make the journey easier to bear? What can I do in the situation that makes sense and actually contributes to a solution or resolution without robbing the person involved of the privilege of personal responsibility and growth? When I have done what I can, I am reminded that we should not "grow weary in doing good, for we WILL reap...if we do not give up." [Galatians 6:9] I have seen this happen. Does it always happen quickly? Ah....no. But it does happen. Things do change. We cannot change yesterday, but starting today, we can create a better tomorrow, and feel good about a productive today. When you are living a productive life, breathing deeply, discerning the best course to take, we protect ourselves from the overwhelm of sadness and the mire of uncontrolled anger or fear.
One of the joys and privileges of growing older is you have more hindsight to see that these things are actually true So take a deep breath, say a prayer, make a plan and move on. And walk in joy.
www.marianneclyde.com
Recently, I was asked, as I often am, on a TV interview regarding my recent trip to Haiti, "How do you deal with the feelings of what you see and hear?" This question is just as appropriate whether you are witnessing results of a natural disaster first hand or if you see someone you love encounter a difficult or hurtful situation closer to home. The inner reactions are often the same and the need to fix it or make the pain go away feels so urgent. But you can't. Many times the disaster is too big, or the event is over and cannot be reversed, or perhaps the pain is a natural consequence of someone's previous actions, which cannot be changed.
In the quiet moments this morning as I was reflecting, I felt overwhelmed with some of these feelings. These feelings are normal, but are not productive. A surge of anger, a wave of sadness, feelings of helplessness must be acknowledged and then overcome. If we allow ourselves to stay there, we just end up sitting in a swampy pit of despair which doesn't help anyone and just gets stinky. On the other hand, if we rush headlong to fix something that is beyond our scope or outside of our realm of responsibility, we can do more damage than good; or at the very least we can waste our time or get in the way or cause resentments.
What came to my mind as I was meditating this morning was how very clear it is that so many of my prayers over the years have been answered in such remarkable ways. I may not have seen the answer right away when I might have cried out in desperation, and yet, I am convinced that every prayer is heard the moment it is uttered. A verse that I find comfort in often is "If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us; and if he hears us, then we know we HAVE ALREADY received what we have asked." [I John 5:14-15] I know he desires good and peace and joy and wisdom and growth and unity and provision and love for each of us. So, even as I feel heartache, and utter a prayer, I know that prayer is heard and being answered. Sometime it takes a while to manifest
The second part of this puzzle is to do what we CAN. Can I offer encouragement? Can I give something to make the journey easier to bear? What can I do in the situation that makes sense and actually contributes to a solution or resolution without robbing the person involved of the privilege of personal responsibility and growth? When I have done what I can, I am reminded that we should not "grow weary in doing good, for we WILL reap...if we do not give up." [Galatians 6:9] I have seen this happen. Does it always happen quickly? Ah....no. But it does happen. Things do change. We cannot change yesterday, but starting today, we can create a better tomorrow, and feel good about a productive today. When you are living a productive life, breathing deeply, discerning the best course to take, we protect ourselves from the overwhelm of sadness and the mire of uncontrolled anger or fear.
One of the joys and privileges of growing older is you have more hindsight to see that these things are actually true
So take a deep breath, say a prayer, make a plan and move on. And walk in joy.www.marianneclyde.com
Strength in serenity
The dictionary defines serenity as "marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude."
This is not exactly the response you would expect from the people of Haiti, who, in 45 seconds, watched their houses crumble to dust, burying friends and family members, destroying life as they knew it. However, in my recent visit there, serenity is exactly what they discovered that they must find in order to find fulfillment. This is true in all life's circumstances, whether it be a troubled marriage, a wayward child, financial needs, a new job opportunity or an earthquake. You need to find the peaceful place inside of you where you have the clarity to determine what you can do and what you cannot.
To scream and cry and kick a pile of rubble, while certainly a normal human reaction and perhaps part of the grieving process, is not productive if you linger too long there. You must come to a place where you recognize that what's done is done and move on. We all have constructive things we can do today to influence our tomorrows; but we have no control or influence at all over yesterday, or natural disasters, or even other people's actions and reactions. So why waste your time trying to exert energies in such a fruitless way? Yes, you must acknowledge what happened and the pain it gives, because to ignore it and push it down, just shoves it away somewhere in your psyche to get infected and show up somehow, somewhere later. But you can begin to move on even while you are still grieving, by asking yourself the questions, where do I want to go? and what can I do today to begin that journey?
The staffs that I worked with created a mural, identifying three things: 1. What the most painful part of the earthquake was for them personally; 2. What they are doing right now to rebuild their lives; and 3. What they hope their collective rebuilding efforts will accomplish. In the middle of the mural is the Serenity Prayer.
I just had this concept tested, as I completed writing this blog and pushed the delete button by mistake. So after kicking my computer a few times [kidding], I sat down to write again, sigh....sometimes life is not easy; it just IS.
www.marianneclyde.com
This is not exactly the response you would expect from the people of Haiti, who, in 45 seconds, watched their houses crumble to dust, burying friends and family members, destroying life as they knew it. However, in my recent visit there, serenity is exactly what they discovered that they must find in order to find fulfillment. This is true in all life's circumstances, whether it be a troubled marriage, a wayward child, financial needs, a new job opportunity or an earthquake. You need to find the peaceful place inside of you where you have the clarity to determine what you can do and what you cannot.
To scream and cry and kick a pile of rubble, while certainly a normal human reaction and perhaps part of the grieving process, is not productive if you linger too long there. You must come to a place where you recognize that what's done is done and move on. We all have constructive things we can do today to influence our tomorrows; but we have no control or influence at all over yesterday, or natural disasters, or even other people's actions and reactions. So why waste your time trying to exert energies in such a fruitless way? Yes, you must acknowledge what happened and the pain it gives, because to ignore it and push it down, just shoves it away somewhere in your psyche to get infected and show up somehow, somewhere later. But you can begin to move on even while you are still grieving, by asking yourself the questions, where do I want to go? and what can I do today to begin that journey?
The staffs that I worked with created a mural, identifying three things: 1. What the most painful part of the earthquake was for them personally; 2. What they are doing right now to rebuild their lives; and 3. What they hope their collective rebuilding efforts will accomplish. In the middle of the mural is the Serenity Prayer.
- God,
- Grant me the serenity;
- To accept the things I cannot change;
- The courage, to change the things I can;
- And the wisdom, to know the difference.
- Living one day at a time;
- Enjoying one moment at a time;
- Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
- Taking, as He did, this sinful world
- As it is, not as I would have it;
- Trusting that He will make all things right
- If I surrender to His Will;
- So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
- And supremely happy with Him
- Forever and ever in the next.
I just had this concept tested, as I completed writing this blog and pushed the delete button by mistake. So after kicking my computer a few times [kidding], I sat down to write again, sigh....sometimes life is not easy; it just IS.
www.marianneclyde.com
When life crumbles around you...
As I write, I am in Haiti, surrounded by devastation. The buildings in Port au Prince are in various levels of disrepair. Some are simply a pile of concrete rubble; others are collapsed with one floor laying directly on top of the one below; and a few have relatively little or no obvious damage except the clear knowledge that the foundations have been severely shaken.
As far as people go, the situation is the same. Many are dead; yet not all have been found. Others have had their lives simply collapse around them. There is some recognition of how life used to be, but will need total reconstruction. Others seem to be doing OK, but their hearts and minds are splintered from the jolt of trauma and need support and reinforcement.
That is why I am here. I do not have answers, but I have tools to share to help them rebuild the foundations of their lives. I cannot fix their problems, but I can support them through it, so that they know they are not alone.
This is a faith filled, resilient culture. After having survived so many natural disasters, they know they can survive this, and rebuild their lives to make them even stronger and more beautiful than before. But it will take time. A long time.
Whether you are trying to survive a crumbled marriage, a broken heart, shattered dreams or an earth shattering disaster, the intensity varies, but the following tools help quell the overwhelm.
1. Take time to step back and breathe deeply to give you a better perspective.
2. Make time to quiet your soul with meditation, muscle relaxation, visualization of a peaceful place in your mind and/or prayer.
3. Break down the ever-increasing demands and stressors by managing your time. Decide what you must do each day, write it down and do it.
4. If you have a specific dilemma with a relationship, don't let the pressure force you to react or over react too quickly. Discern your needs, the needs of the other(s) involved, and meet them the best you can, doing what is most healthy for everyone. Maintain your boundaries and establish time frames that work for you.
5. Take time to release your physical stress by exercising, dancing, singing, writing, talking it out or doing yoga.
6. In order to accomplish tasks that need to be done, make a plan and work the plan, one step at a time.
7. Ask yourself productive, forward moving questions such as: "What can I do about this TODAY?" and do it, rather than "Why me?" type questions.
And breathe. And cultivate a thankful heart for what you DO have.
www.marianneclyde.com
Cloudy in the valley
A few days ago, as we were driving along the skyline drive in Virginia, the view was breathtaking! There must have been four or five different rainbows at various places along the way. Some, we could see end to end, so that we felt like we could easily find the pot of gold. We could almost touch it! The sun breaking though the clouds in "God-beams" gave a majestic view to the sky, with the light filtering on the newly blossoming trees. Dogwoods dotted the woods while a little bear on the side of the road was munching fresh juicy leaves, contented and apparently oblivious to the little gnats orbiting his body. We drove for miles and miles without passing another car. It was so peaceful and lovely up there, the sunshine made us sleepy, so we pulled up to an overlook spot to rest.
It was amazing how after all that beauty, we looked toward the valley and could see absolutely nothing because the clouds, swirling like angel hair, were totally blocking everything. Even though they were delicious to look at from our end, like cotton candy, they entirely engulfed the valley below in darkness. It reminded me how a different perspective can change everything.
So often in our lives, we are only aware of the darkness hovering over us. Our little world looks completely dark and hopeless. We get so caught up in what it looks like and feels like in the valley, that we choose to stay indoors, uninterested in venturing out. Everything looks bleak and ominous. It feels depressing and sad. In our little worlds, it feels like there is no hope and nothing to look forward to. Considering this, I closed my eyes for a few minutes and rested.
When I opened my eyes again, the breeze had blown the clouds apart and sun was beginning to shine through to the valley. I could see the lush green below and appreciate the beauty that was hidden only moments before. I was reminded that darkness and troubles only remain for a moment and the sun, which is always there...only hidden sometimes...will always break through. There is another world operating at the same time as our little bleak one in the valley. There is a power greater than the darkness and the clouds. Once upon a time the power said, "Let there be light." And there was light.
That same power is always operating no matter what it looks like in your valley. That power will blow the clouds away and say, once again, "Let there be light" to your situation. And there will be light. Just breathe.
www.marianneclyde.com
It was amazing how after all that beauty, we looked toward the valley and could see absolutely nothing because the clouds, swirling like angel hair, were totally blocking everything. Even though they were delicious to look at from our end, like cotton candy, they entirely engulfed the valley below in darkness. It reminded me how a different perspective can change everything.
So often in our lives, we are only aware of the darkness hovering over us. Our little world looks completely dark and hopeless. We get so caught up in what it looks like and feels like in the valley, that we choose to stay indoors, uninterested in venturing out. Everything looks bleak and ominous. It feels depressing and sad. In our little worlds, it feels like there is no hope and nothing to look forward to. Considering this, I closed my eyes for a few minutes and rested.
When I opened my eyes again, the breeze had blown the clouds apart and sun was beginning to shine through to the valley. I could see the lush green below and appreciate the beauty that was hidden only moments before. I was reminded that darkness and troubles only remain for a moment and the sun, which is always there...only hidden sometimes...will always break through. There is another world operating at the same time as our little bleak one in the valley. There is a power greater than the darkness and the clouds. Once upon a time the power said, "Let there be light." And there was light.
That same power is always operating no matter what it looks like in your valley. That power will blow the clouds away and say, once again, "Let there be light" to your situation. And there will be light. Just breathe.
www.marianneclyde.com
This LOVE thing: what is it, really?
What keeps us from seeing what love really is? How do we let ourselves be blinded by mental and emotional clutter that keeps us from knowing more about love?
As I have been posting recently about change, I have become aware of an amazing amount and variety of changes taking place in the lives of people I know and love. In doing so, it makes me question what is love, actually? In traditional relationships, we make certain assumptions about what you do and don't do if you love someone. Mostly, those assumptions come from our early formed beliefs about how we fit in the world, what makes us feel worthy, what we think of God and who he is, what expectations are put upon us by society and how we should tow the line if we want to be loved or remain loved. Often, those beliefs have little in common with truth.
Let's just say that we need to constantly examine our own hearts to see how much we love others and why. What do we receive from those relationships and what do we give and why? What would make you throw in the towel on a relationship and why? What if you, like the dog holding a bone and seeing his reflection in the water, like what you see, would you drop what you have or not, and why?
If love is really selfless, as we all think it should be, what does that mean? It certainly does not mean being a doormat and letting someone walk all over you. Many of us think that is the only option. It is not. I believe that it means first of all understanding yourself enough to know that you are worthy and whole in your own being. You do not need another to fulfill you or complete you or to make you worthy. If you know this to be true, then when someone you love is expressing his or her self in a manner that might not look good or normal or pure, you can see clearly enough to love that person as they explore and learn, understanding that it may not be a reflection of how they feel about you, but something going on inside his or her mind and heart. If we judge by appearances and our feelings, we can slam the door shut on a relationship that, given the chance, can grow and mature and become stronger through a trial. If we turn around and slam the door, we shut down all communication and all feelings good and bad, essentially throwing out the baby with the bath water because the water has become too dirty to see through. Remember that there is something very valuable in that murky water.
Can you maintain your own sense of worth, while the rest of the world looks on and judges and opines? Or is it possible for you to love in the face of change and adversity, allowing the object of your love to grow and test the waters that seem right to him or her at the moment, without assuming you have lost your value? We do not need to allow the winds of change to blow us out of the water. We just need to assess the situation and communicate what we observe, then, reset our sails, recondition our oars, strengthen our bodies and minds and spirits to maintain our center when we are assailed by the winds of change.
If you are feeling a bit blown about by the winds of change in your relationship, ask yourself a few questions:
1. How have I contributed to this change?
2. Is there something I need to do or say or change, or should I just be still?
3. What is good and worth holding onto here?
4. How can I be supportive of the one I love even if I disagree with him/her?
5. How can I love pragmatically, even while I am hurting?
6. Can I separate myself enough to see if this is about me or not? (It's not always about you)
7. What is my intent for this relationship and the other person? Can that still be accomplished?
8. Do I need to re-think my goals and where I am headed?
9. Can I open my mind to include a new way of thinking?
10. Can I hear the whispers of others and not let it affect who I am?
I think we always need to be questioning our intentions and motivations in order to be sure that we are clear and pure and as true as we can be. We need to begin to assume that others are not out to get us, but really just scrambling to survive and find out who they really are. If we give them that latitude to maneuver, they may be able to stretch and grow and learn to love more deeply and more truly. How can that be bad?
www.marianneclyde.com
As I have been posting recently about change, I have become aware of an amazing amount and variety of changes taking place in the lives of people I know and love. In doing so, it makes me question what is love, actually? In traditional relationships, we make certain assumptions about what you do and don't do if you love someone. Mostly, those assumptions come from our early formed beliefs about how we fit in the world, what makes us feel worthy, what we think of God and who he is, what expectations are put upon us by society and how we should tow the line if we want to be loved or remain loved. Often, those beliefs have little in common with truth.
Let's just say that we need to constantly examine our own hearts to see how much we love others and why. What do we receive from those relationships and what do we give and why? What would make you throw in the towel on a relationship and why? What if you, like the dog holding a bone and seeing his reflection in the water, like what you see, would you drop what you have or not, and why?
If love is really selfless, as we all think it should be, what does that mean? It certainly does not mean being a doormat and letting someone walk all over you. Many of us think that is the only option. It is not. I believe that it means first of all understanding yourself enough to know that you are worthy and whole in your own being. You do not need another to fulfill you or complete you or to make you worthy. If you know this to be true, then when someone you love is expressing his or her self in a manner that might not look good or normal or pure, you can see clearly enough to love that person as they explore and learn, understanding that it may not be a reflection of how they feel about you, but something going on inside his or her mind and heart. If we judge by appearances and our feelings, we can slam the door shut on a relationship that, given the chance, can grow and mature and become stronger through a trial. If we turn around and slam the door, we shut down all communication and all feelings good and bad, essentially throwing out the baby with the bath water because the water has become too dirty to see through. Remember that there is something very valuable in that murky water.
Can you maintain your own sense of worth, while the rest of the world looks on and judges and opines? Or is it possible for you to love in the face of change and adversity, allowing the object of your love to grow and test the waters that seem right to him or her at the moment, without assuming you have lost your value? We do not need to allow the winds of change to blow us out of the water. We just need to assess the situation and communicate what we observe, then, reset our sails, recondition our oars, strengthen our bodies and minds and spirits to maintain our center when we are assailed by the winds of change.
If you are feeling a bit blown about by the winds of change in your relationship, ask yourself a few questions:
1. How have I contributed to this change?
2. Is there something I need to do or say or change, or should I just be still?
3. What is good and worth holding onto here?
4. How can I be supportive of the one I love even if I disagree with him/her?
5. How can I love pragmatically, even while I am hurting?
6. Can I separate myself enough to see if this is about me or not? (It's not always about you
)7. What is my intent for this relationship and the other person? Can that still be accomplished?
8. Do I need to re-think my goals and where I am headed?
9. Can I open my mind to include a new way of thinking?
10. Can I hear the whispers of others and not let it affect who I am?
I think we always need to be questioning our intentions and motivations in order to be sure that we are clear and pure and as true as we can be. We need to begin to assume that others are not out to get us, but really just scrambling to survive and find out who they really are. If we give them that latitude to maneuver, they may be able to stretch and grow and learn to love more deeply and more truly. How can that be bad?
www.marianneclyde.com
Still breezy with plenty of sunshine.
As many of you know, we have been recently buffeted by the "winds of change". After a couple of months of life changes and a big international move, it looks like we have landed in Happy Valley! Walking along the country road today, I noticed that the winds are still blowing, but I know that those breezes are ushering in 80 degree weather tomorrow and a lovely Easter weekend. Blue birds were flitting around from fence post to fence post as I was walking; the cows just stood still, slowly chewing their cud, while their eyes just lazily followed me down the lane, seeming to say, "Welcome home." Daffodils waved their lovely yellow heads in the wind, while the hyacinths allowed the breeze to spread the fragrance of spring. I am delighted to be closer to old friends and family, while missing the friends that are now so far away. There are two sides to every change, so it is important to maintain a steady center, so as not to be caught off balance.
During the most stressful of times during these changes, I really just kept my head down against the wind and put one foot in front of the other, just as I advised in my last blog. Sometimes just battling the emotional upheaval and busy-ness of the practicalities of dealing with changes, seems like a full time job. But the winds do calm down and they do bring in changes in the weather as well as in circumstance. Noticing the pretty hearty breeze this morning, I was reminded that the breezes really never stop for good. You may have a still day or season from time to time, but just as in the weather, our lives are often moved by circumstances and things are constantly changing. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes not, but just so, you need to expect that change is one of the only constants in life.
As we enter into this gorgeous spring season, where all things become new, we need to maintain our connection to the unchangeable one; the one who is in the midst of every change, who provides firm footing no matter how hard the winds blow. He wants to live in you so that you can also live that abundant life. Take a deep breath, breathing in the fragrance of new beginnings and joy in each moment, breeze or no breeze.
www.marianneclyde.com
During the most stressful of times during these changes, I really just kept my head down against the wind and put one foot in front of the other, just as I advised in my last blog. Sometimes just battling the emotional upheaval and busy-ness of the practicalities of dealing with changes, seems like a full time job. But the winds do calm down and they do bring in changes in the weather as well as in circumstance. Noticing the pretty hearty breeze this morning, I was reminded that the breezes really never stop for good. You may have a still day or season from time to time, but just as in the weather, our lives are often moved by circumstances and things are constantly changing. Sometimes it feels good and sometimes not, but just so, you need to expect that change is one of the only constants in life.
As we enter into this gorgeous spring season, where all things become new, we need to maintain our connection to the unchangeable one; the one who is in the midst of every change, who provides firm footing no matter how hard the winds blow. He wants to live in you so that you can also live that abundant life. Take a deep breath, breathing in the fragrance of new beginnings and joy in each moment, breeze or no breeze.
www.marianneclyde.com
The winds of change...
Yesterday, as I was walking around the palace, it became so windy that I could hardly stand up or make any progress going forward. So, I kept my head down and continued to put one foot in front of the other, which was pretty much the only way to get home! Then my brain made the connection to similarities between my walking challenge and dealing with changes in our lives.
The winds of change are similar to the gusts and blasts from nature. Often you don't know where they are coming from. They can be unexpected. There might not seem to be any reason. And you are really not sure what the collateral damage will be, if there is any. So, as our human nature is asking why? who? what? where? how? Mother nature just shrugs her shoulders. Harrumph.
Here are some thoughts and applied wisdom from my walk on wind and change:
1. Keep your head down and deal with each step as it comes.
2. Continue to take one step at a time. Stay focused on where you want to go.
3. It's nice to have someone to hold onto. If you do, then he/she is being buffeted around too; so you can support each other but don't cling so hard that you drag the other down.
4. Stuff will blow in your eyes and make you teary; wipe the tears; don't obsess about them, or look for something to blame.
5. You might not look pretty, but "outdoorsy and windblown" is not a bad thing; it's actually kind of cool and admirable. Look at all the running/mountain climbing/sports magazines!
6. People might wonder what on earth you are doing as they drive by in their heated cars; let them. People love to judge from their safe places.
7. Focus on what is good about the situation. [It was sunny. My body is healthy enough to battle the wind. It gave me a topic for my blog.]
8. You will feel good about yourself after it is over because you dealt with it and didn't let it stop you or get you down.
9. It adds one more thing to your repertoire of what you can deal with, and probably makes for a good story.
10. Neitzche said, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
So it is with the winds of change. They are going to come. They can be unpredictable. You can handle it, if you don't hold onto what you have or what you were expecting, and open yourself up to embrace what it is. Whining is not helpful
Check out www.marianneclyde.com for more bits of pragmatic wisdom!
The winds of change are similar to the gusts and blasts from nature. Often you don't know where they are coming from. They can be unexpected. There might not seem to be any reason. And you are really not sure what the collateral damage will be, if there is any. So, as our human nature is asking why? who? what? where? how? Mother nature just shrugs her shoulders. Harrumph.
Here are some thoughts and applied wisdom from my walk on wind and change:
1. Keep your head down and deal with each step as it comes.
2. Continue to take one step at a time. Stay focused on where you want to go.
3. It's nice to have someone to hold onto. If you do, then he/she is being buffeted around too; so you can support each other but don't cling so hard that you drag the other down.
4. Stuff will blow in your eyes and make you teary; wipe the tears; don't obsess about them, or look for something to blame.
5. You might not look pretty, but "outdoorsy and windblown" is not a bad thing; it's actually kind of cool and admirable. Look at all the running/mountain climbing/sports magazines!
6. People might wonder what on earth you are doing as they drive by in their heated cars; let them. People love to judge from their safe places.
7. Focus on what is good about the situation. [It was sunny. My body is healthy enough to battle the wind. It gave me a topic for my blog.]
8. You will feel good about yourself after it is over because you dealt with it and didn't let it stop you or get you down.
9. It adds one more thing to your repertoire of what you can deal with, and probably makes for a good story.
10. Neitzche said, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
So it is with the winds of change. They are going to come. They can be unpredictable. You can handle it, if you don't hold onto what you have or what you were expecting, and open yourself up to embrace what it is. Whining is not helpful
Check out www.marianneclyde.com for more bits of pragmatic wisdom!
So what do we do now?
I think it is safe to say that from time to time, we all run into perplexing situations in which we feel betrayed, confused, perplexed or abandoned. At such times, we cry out to God (or whoever else might be listening), "What am I to do?" "Where am I to go?" "Show me the way." "Lead me in the right path."
Then we go our way and promptly forget that we prayed for a solution or asked for guidance. Or maybe we don't forget. Maybe we just never really believed that we would receive an answer. So we continue to plow our way through our predicament resenting those who don't help, cursing those that try, but fall short, and cry with our head in our hands, mumbling, "What to do? What to do?"
This is where I remind you to stop. Slow down and breathe deeply. Did you ask for help? Then expect help. Begin to look for signs of help. Begin to be still enough and stop crashing through your life like a bull in a china shop looking for some trinket that may not be there! Listen for that still small voice whispering in your ear, "This is the way over here; over there; take this step; move around this obstacle; go past this person, they are not the one to help you; take another step; keep moving forward; keep looking for the lighted pathway." It may only be lit up for one step at a time. But, it IS lit up.
If you don't think that God hears or answers prayer, why waste your breath? If you pray, expect him to show up. There is no need to get angry at someone who turns you away. It just becomes clear that that person is not the one you need; move on. Try something else. Maybe they don't give you the answer you want or expect; listen anyway. Is there something in their comment that can help you? You asked for leading, let yourself be led. As you pursue the answers that you seek, expect that they are revealing themselves. Do not allow yourself to be offended or hurt or frightened. Expect that somehow, someway, the events of the day are part of the answer. Can it be that you are being steered clear of someone who may not be the best help or influence? Could it be that one door is closed in order to reveal another further on down the hallway that wasn't so obvious, but may be much better? Don't be angry at the one who slams the door; he could be doing you a favor. Follow the path that is being lit for you, with a grateful heart, full of expectation that a better way is just down the road. Don't waste a second complaining or whining or worrying. Things change everyday. That is just a part of life; because that is the nature of things. This confusing time is only a change waiting to make itself clear.
Breathe. Wait. Listen. Go.
www.marianneclyde.com
Then we go our way and promptly forget that we prayed for a solution or asked for guidance. Or maybe we don't forget. Maybe we just never really believed that we would receive an answer. So we continue to plow our way through our predicament resenting those who don't help, cursing those that try, but fall short, and cry with our head in our hands, mumbling, "What to do? What to do?"
This is where I remind you to stop. Slow down and breathe deeply. Did you ask for help? Then expect help. Begin to look for signs of help. Begin to be still enough and stop crashing through your life like a bull in a china shop looking for some trinket that may not be there! Listen for that still small voice whispering in your ear, "This is the way over here; over there; take this step; move around this obstacle; go past this person, they are not the one to help you; take another step; keep moving forward; keep looking for the lighted pathway." It may only be lit up for one step at a time. But, it IS lit up.
If you don't think that God hears or answers prayer, why waste your breath? If you pray, expect him to show up. There is no need to get angry at someone who turns you away. It just becomes clear that that person is not the one you need; move on. Try something else. Maybe they don't give you the answer you want or expect; listen anyway. Is there something in their comment that can help you? You asked for leading, let yourself be led. As you pursue the answers that you seek, expect that they are revealing themselves. Do not allow yourself to be offended or hurt or frightened. Expect that somehow, someway, the events of the day are part of the answer. Can it be that you are being steered clear of someone who may not be the best help or influence? Could it be that one door is closed in order to reveal another further on down the hallway that wasn't so obvious, but may be much better? Don't be angry at the one who slams the door; he could be doing you a favor. Follow the path that is being lit for you, with a grateful heart, full of expectation that a better way is just down the road. Don't waste a second complaining or whining or worrying. Things change everyday. That is just a part of life; because that is the nature of things. This confusing time is only a change waiting to make itself clear.
Breathe. Wait. Listen. Go.
www.marianneclyde.com
